Music to my Ears

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Duo finished the last tones of the Adagio Pathétique when Heero came in. He slowly rose from the piano stool, his slender fingers leaving the keys of the precious Bösendorfer.

"Everything went okay?"

"Huh?" Heero clearly looked confused and jerked his head towards Duo. It took him less than a second to come to his senses. "Yes, I’ve given them the receipt. That Chang!"

"What’s with detective Chang?"

"He hardly deserves his title," Heero murmured, shrugging of his jacket. "He thinks he can intimidate me, mister know-it-all, mister wise guy. Well, he’s going to regret his words."

"Heero, what happened?" Duo had seen Heero like this before-- mostly when he returned from a visit to his wartime friends. This time, he wasn’t near them. In fact, he hasn’t visited them for a couple of days now. Strange, it looks like that Heero is getting easier agitated, "Nothing. Just nothing. Insinuations." Heero looked up and smiled a mere quirk of his lips, instead of the warm loving smile Duo liked to see.

"Nothing concerning you. You’re safe."

"You keep telling me that," Duo said. He barely managed to keep his irritation out of his voice. "Will you please tell me what you mean by that?"

"Just like I said it." Heero was close to Duo and took him by the arms, stroking him gently. "I forgot to get the newspaper. I’m going to get it and I’ll bring the mail as well."

"I’m coming with you," Duo said, forgetting that he was still clad in his pajamas.

Heero embraced him, a fierce, short embrace and Duo felt the air rushing out of his lungs. He lifted his arms to return the embrace, but Heero had already let go of him.

"You better stay in the apartment. It’ll only take me five minutes, and you’re not dressed. Go back to bed and rest some more."

"I’m not feeling ill," Duo mumbled, wishing he didn’t sound so petulant. Heero picked up his coat and put it on again.

"Of course you’re not," he answered, but he didn’t sound very convinced. "I’ll be back soon."

The door of the apartment closed-- and Duo realized his fists were clenched. He felt locked up. No, not locked up. Caged. I feel like I’m caged.

He couldn’t remember how long he stood in the middle of the living room, thoughts raging through his head. Something was wrong with Heero. Since the killing had started, Heero had become more tight-strung, falling back into his military rituals and customs more by the day. He kept talking about ‘being safe’. He went to the night pharmacy. He has a damn receipt to prove he was there. But why, why, did he get an extra package of Clorazil?

"Why don’t I believe you?" Duo shouted out loud, and scared himself with the anger in his voice, echoing in the living room. It was cold; he suddenly felt it to the bone. He returned to the bedroom and retrieved a quilt, which he swung over his shoulders. The chill didn’t go away and he decided to make a hot drink for himself. On his way to the kitchen, the doorbell rang. He was stopped dead in his tracks. For a moment Duo was afraid the two detectives had returned, with the orders to arrest him… or Heero … for the murder of two of his students.

It was like a thick fog surrounding him, a blur of time and reality slowing down. It took him so much time to get to the door that the bell rang three more times. He didn’t dare to look trough the little spy glass and with an audible gulp, he swung open the door.

"Duo!"

"Quatre? Wha… what are you doing here?"

The blond business student smiled at him, a warm, caring smile. "I’m so sorry, Duo. I heard about Hilde, and I overheard my father calling you. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but he talked so loud about quitting the piano lessons, that it was hard to miss. I decided to come see you."

"Come in," Duo said hastily. He refrained from looking around the corridor to see if Heero was about to return yet. Quatre calmly stepped into the hall and shrugged off his coat.

"Duo, are you ill? You’re still in pajamas, and you look pale."

"It’s getting to me," Duo blurted. "Dorothy and Hilde. They were murdered! Heero…"

"You can’t talk to Heero about it, can you?" Quatre’s voice was calm, soothing. "It’s so difficult for you, Duo. You’ve been through so much and you haven’t got someone to confide in. Let’s go to the living room and talk, okay?"

Duo noticed he had dropped the quilt on the floor. He quickly picked it up and clutched it around him, noticing at the last moment Quatre was helping him adjusting it.

"You need to stay warm. Come, we go to the living room."

They just sat down when they heard someone coming through the front door. Duo rose as if he was shot, and Quatre put a hand on him to calm him down. Heero came into the living room, carrying the news paper and a bunch of mail. He was about to say something, when he saw Quatre.

"Mister Winner, what a surprise."

"Good morning to you too," Quatre answered, vaguely amused.

Heero stood in the living room, tearing the newspaper to shreds.

"What took you so long?" Duo blurted. He held the quilt closed around him, almost clutching it as a protective shell.

"I was securing the area," Heero answered. If he was bothered by Quatre’s startled look and Duo’s surprised wide eyes, he didn’t show any of it. "Everything is safe. I ran into a neighbor who wanted to know something and I dealt with him."

"You dealt with him?" Duo started to panic. No! Heero hasn’t gone mad! He doesn’t kill!

Heero put the newspaper on the coffee table. "I told him what he wanted to know and then I left."

Silence. Earth shattering, cold, screaming silence.

"Some tea then?"

"That would be wonderful." Quatre sat tensed on the couch, next to Duo, hands on his knees. His voice didn’t falter and he looked Heero straight in the eye. "Thank you."

When Heero had left, Quatre shook his head and looked at Duo. "That man is one and all suppressed rage. I sometimes wonder… forgive my boldness, Duo, but sometimes I wonder how you can live with him."

"I love Heero," Duo said fiercely.

"Why do you always defend him? There’s something wrong with him. He’s scaring people, your people, your students. He’s killing them. He’s killing you, Duo."

"No!" Duo turned around and faced Quatre. "That was uncalled for! How dare you insinuate this!"

The business student raised his hands. "My apologies, Duo. I didn’t want to offend you. It’s just that I… well, I’ve noticed how Heero is isolating you. You’re withering away. Look at yourself! When I visited you for my first lesson, you were laughing and healthy, and now you’re looking pale, you’re reclusive, and you’re ill!"

Duo dropped his head on his chest. "It’s driving us apart. The murder of my students, it’s all so awful."

"It’s a shame you can’t really talk about it with Heero." Quatre had claimed his spot next to Duo again. He was so close he only had to whisper. "He doesn’t understand you. He only sees you as a mission, with parameters he has set for himself, just like the soldier he is."

Duo didn’t answer. His head spun with the dizzying speed of his thoughts going around, a mumbo-jumbo of fears, anxiety and despair. He suddenly felt Quatre’s hand on his.

"You were born extremely gifted. You talked to me with so much passion for music, you showed me the beauty of music, especially from your piano. Remember the talks we had about music and emotion? You showed me so much, Duo. These hands-" a slight caress, just a slight caress, "were made for playing music. You were made to show the beauty of music. I understand you, Duo."

The quilt slipped off of Duo’s shoulder and just when he rearranged it, Heero returned with the tea, and hot coffee for Duo and himself.

"Thank you," Quatre said, sitting up straight, leaning forward to take the cup. "I believe this is Earl Grey, isn’t it?"

"Correct." Heero turned around and seated himself in front of him, never leaving the business student one second out of sight. "Is there any specific reason for your visit, mister Winner? Your father made quite clear that you wouldn’t be taking any class anytime soon."

"I’m not here for class. I wanted to see how Duo was doing. This situation is putting so much stress on him. The terrible things that have happened and I know there’s no solution to the case. My father knows Duke Dermail pretty well."

"Ah yes. You don’t need to remind me that mister Winner senior is very influential. Mining business, isn’t it?"

"Three," Quatre answered. "We possess three mining business and resources satellites. Winner Incorporated is also active in construction businesses, production lines for heavy duty machinery and textile industries."

"You’ve forgot about your branch in the commercial space flights industry," Heero said.

"I didn’t doubt for a moment you would do a background check on a new student." Quatre took a sip. Duo had been sipping at his coffee quietly, but at Quatre’s last remark he slammed his mug down on the table.

"I’ve told you numerous times to stop that! How could you, Heero? You promised me to stop doing those freakin’ background checks!"

Duo trembled with anger. He didn’t want to give in into his rising fear. A fear that had crept up onto him more than once, a fear that Heero somehow was connected to the murder of his students. Heero couldn’t have killed the girls. Why? Why should he?

Quatre interrupted the awkward silence by changing the subject.

"Duo, Hilde’s funeral will be the day after tomorrow. I want to go with you."

"Fine," Duo answered, harsher than he had intended. "That’s fine."

"I don’t want to keep you from your, ehm, business," Quatre said and put his empty teacup on the table. "I’ll pick you up before the service, Duo." He rose from the couch. "Good day, mister Yuy."

Heero hardly acknowledged him. "Good day to you too, mister Winner."

"I’ll let myself out," Quatre said and the last word sounded a bit off; but neither Heero nor Duo noticed.

The silence returned. There had never been so much silence in the apartment as the last few days. Music had always filled the rooms, the emptiness, and the void between them. Music had always drifted between them, interwoven with their lives, binding them together with the force of every emotion- joy, hope, grief, sadness. Music had always set the tone in their daily life; joyful music for the good days, soulful music for the bad days. There hadn’t a day gone by without Duo touching the Bösendorfer, and the closed lid of the grand piano spoke more volume than a thousand words.

"Why do you want to go to Hilde’s funeral? It’ll rip open old wounds, Duo." Heero spoke slowly, as if he weighed every word before speaking.

"She was my best friend and very dear to me." Duo spoke mechanically, as if he had lost all interest for any word. Again silence. This time, Duo interrupted it.

"I know what it feels like to have lost everything, Heero. Her adoptive parents also have lost everything. How couldn’t I go?"

"Don’t you want me to go with you?" It wasn’t a simple question. In the heavy atmosphere in the silenced apartment Duo felt the weight behind the words, behind the question. It was like a scale, desperately trying to get into balance. He took a deep breath.

"No, I can do this on my own. I’m…" he hesitated. In that short moment he saw the intense, hopeful look in Heero’s eyes. "I’m not afraid of the memories any more. I’ve been living too long with them anyway."

"There was a burning church with dead people," Heero slowly said. "That day, ten years ago, when you lost everything. You still wake up once every night because you can’t shake the image, can’t close the chapter of your life. A funeral will bring back more of those memories."

"I need some fresh air," Duo brusquely said, rose and walked to the huge windows. He opened both panels and didn’t care for the cold. The curtains moved with the wind rushing in and Duo slipped outside, onto the balcony with the marvelous view.

"I’m sorry," he heard Heero say behind him. "That was cruel of me."

"It wasn’t." Duo hoisted the quilt once again around his shoulders. "It’s the truth." It felt so familiar, Heero behind him, adjusting the quilt, caring for him, taking care of him.

"You’re slipping away from me."

The accusation Duo had been waiting for. The train of thoughts in his mind wouldn’t stop. Was it what Quatre had said? Or what Heero had done? What had he done?

"I can’t be in here forever. It’s suffocating. This misery is tearing us apart."

"Duo, please, look at me."

He turned around. Heero took the opportunity to wrap himself around Duo, holding him close.

"Nothing tears us apart."

Duo’s voice was smothered against Heero’s chest.

"It’s suffocating. I can’t breathe in here!"

"Being inside? You’re safe inside, safe with me." Heero let go of Duo and he took a step backwards. With an aggravated move of his hands, Duo swiped away some strands of chestnut hair.

"Heero, sometimes I just don’t want to disappear inside of you."

"What do you mean?"

"I need to know, Heero. I need to know. Why do you want to protect me? Why are you reverting back to the "you" from your old war days? Why are you undoing all the hard work I’ve done for the both of us?"

Heero narrowed his eyes. "I haven’t been with my war friends for some time now. Especially for you, I haven’t visited them because I know it upsets you. Can’t you see the situation? Two of your students have been murdered. I don’t want you in any danger. I want you safe! Is that it?"

Duo had seen the hopeful look in Heero’s eyes. Now he only saw the defensive wall, the wall he had fought so hard for to be taken down. He opened his mouth and it was like a scream being torn out of his lungs.

"No, that’s not it! It’s you, Heero. You are killing me!"

 

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Chapter 11 | Chapter 13 |