Cry Me a River



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There isn’t a single thing that Kaiba Seto doesn’t hate when it comes to Mutou Yuugi. He refrains from calling it ‘hate’, because he knows very well what hate can do to a person, and how it can consume one to the very core. Besides, the CEO of KaibaCorp. is above something as petty as ‘hate’. He would rather like to call it ‘dislike’, or ‘disapproval of’.

To him, Mutou Yuugi is just a kid. A twerp. A midget. A treehugging, sappy, naïve, too trusting, too bouncy, too perky, prattling-on-about-friends-and-love-and-happiness midget. There, he can’t think of a more adequate description. It annoys him to no end that of all people, exactly this treehugging, sappy, naïve etc. midget has won the Kaiba Corp. Grand Prix tournament.

This lunch was a bad idea from the start, Kaiba figures, as he’s seated opposite of the very same twerp. Mokuba had suggested this get-together as a friendly gesture to the winner and the top-ten finalists, and as an incentive towards the sponsors. After all, Kaiba Corp. has a public image to uphold, and Kaiba knows very well that it suffers from his aloof, stoic attitude towards press and people in general. It’s not my fault that everyone is just plain stupid and a waste of my time.
Sharing a table with the top-ten finalists meant that a certain Jounouchi Katsuya also partakes in the lunch, and Kaiba almost rips his own napkin apart. Great, this was going to be an even greater mess than he could possibly imagine. Not only is Jounouchi one of the most ill-mannered, bad-tempered people he’d ever met, he also eats a whole army’s worth. One could file for bankruptcy when inviting Jounouchi over for lunch.

So why does it surprise Kaiba so much that the bonkotsu duelist is barely gaining his attention even though he can hear him all the way from here? Why does it surprise him that he is keeping his eyes on the twerp across of him, who is eating his shrimp cocktail with small, almost delicate bites? It takes him less than two seconds to realize it’s not Yuugi himself, but his Other.

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There isn’t a single thing that Kaiba Seto doesn’t hate….dislike when it comes to Mou Hitori no Yuugi. He even thinks of him in capital letters, which is another annoyance in itself. Despite their significant height difference, he feels like the Other Yuugi towers over him, and Kaiba Seto doesn’t like anyone towering over him, and certainly not the magically-strange-weird-other-half-of-a-soul-spitting-mirror-image of Mutou Yuugi. His friends simply call him Yuugi, as if there’s no distinction between the two of them. Ridiculous. It’s not the extra golden bang in his hair or the narrow shape of his eyes. Not that Kaiba ever paid attention to that. No, it was all in the other things - his stance, his arrogance, his godforsaken luck in every duel, his overblown ego that matched twice the Duel Tower.

A Pharaoh in his past, and a soul without a body in the present, or so the ‘legend’ goes, not that Kaiba cares. He knows of the story, having heard of it a bazillion times before, be it from Yuugi himself or any of his friends, or even from his own brother, who apparently is quite impressed and on far-too-friendly terms with the twerp and his gang of jolly ranchers. Speaking of Mokuba, his brother sitting right next to him, talking to them as if he’s known them all of his life. Well, as Mokuba is still pretty young…Kaiba suppresses an annoyed grunt.

The lectures, the preaching, that heart of the card things…about his past, his present and his future as a Pharaoh, it all sounds like a lot of blah blah to Kaiba, even though he can’t deny something of it being true. He doesn’t want it to be true, of course. What the hell is he supposed to think of feel when being confronted with a stone slab in a museum, with strange texts and markings all over it? Everything about destiny and fate and all that crap irritates him, annoys him, and makes him think of Ishizu Isthar who droned on and on about it. Thank God that she and her whacked-out family didn’t participate this time.

But still, this Other Yuugi has the God cards, and has won from them fair and square. There’s nothing that Kaiba can do about it. He notices his fork slightly trembling and he puts it down, refraining from staring at his hand. He had felt the power, the unmistakable overwhelming power of a God, its card that was held once by that very same hand. It hasn’t been that long since he lost Obelisk the Tormentor to Other Yuugi -damn those capitals- but he recalls very well his defeat, recalls very well that moment when he handed the card to the other.

He dislikes it how Other Yuugi is eating. As if he is God, he brings the fork carefully to his mouth and wraps his lips around the utensil as if he’s too far elevated above everyone else to just goddamn eat the food. Kaiba knows it’s the best - he selected the caterer himself, and no caterer in the whole wide world would even dare to think of serving Kaiba Seto nothing but the best. He wonders for a brief moment if the guests even realize what kind of money they are eating away here; probably a year’s income worth for the average Joe Schmoe.

Kaiba tramples his ponderings on why it is Other Yuugi instead of the twerp himself, because he usually disappears after winning a duel. What has made the Other come out, and why is he even bothering to think about it? He should be mingling with the guests, but Kaiba doesn’t mingle; he doesn’t care about PR, or what other people think of him. He’s not interested in becoming friends or best pals with anyone. He’s always searching for someone who forces him to his limits, someone who pushes him close to the edge. He needs the challenge, the pressure, the deadline… and he’s found it in a smaller, weaker, punier person who doesn’t even have his own body.

After lunch is finished, Kaiba realizes he’s been staring at Other Yuugi the entire time, barely tasting the wonderful food himself. It annoys him and he throws down his napkin, but before he can gruffly announce that everyone has to get the hell off of his property, Mokuba cheerfully tells the guests that it’s time to go, thanking everyone for their presence. Maybe he should leave everything PR to his younger brother, that would save him some major trouble. Kaiba gets up from his chair, simultaneously with Other Yuugi; the way he moves is flawless, the giant golden Puzzle dangling from its chain, and it doesn’t bother him at all. Smooth. Flawless. And Kaiba Seto is not thinking ‘beautiful’ when it comes to Other Yuugi, not at all.

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There’s almost no one left in the wardrobe, safe for the few slowpokes who can’t find their coats or are still chattering away about the tournament and its results, the weather outside and the lunch they had. Ignorant fools. Kaiba scans the room, noticing Other Yuugi and Jounouchi, the bonkotsu of course struggling with his jacket. He’s chattering away and he’s perfectly at ease, while Other Yuugi watches him, amusedly, the dark eyebrows slightly arched, a faint curl of a smile ghosting around his lips.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

It’s out of his mouth before he realizes it. Other Yuugi looks up, genuine surprise in his eyes.

“Kaiba? I’m going home.”

“You’re not going anywhere.”

Jounouchi is quick to defend his friend. In a weird way, it makes him jealous - to know that there’s someone willing to fight for you is entirely different from having to do all the fighting yourself. The last thing he yearns for is a ‘friend’, but he can’t deny that friendship is one of the strengths of human interaction - he doesn’t want to waste his time over it, but in his rational mind Kaiba knows that always being alone isn’t the ‘right’ way. If there ever was a destiny for him, it’s up to Kaiba to determine it, not destiny itself. It’s the way he has lived until now, lived by his own rules, his own values and morals, and no happy-go-lucky crowd could ever change that.

“Can it, Kaiba,” Jounouchi speaks up, stepping literally between him and Other Yuugi. “Go pick on someone else. This is the winner’s area, you know.”

“Then what are you doing here?” Kaiba sneers. He’s not willing to deal with Jounouchi, who looks ready to actually attack him physically - but it’s Other Yuugi who calms him down.

“It is fine, Jounouchi-kun,” he says, his voice an infuriating epitome of composed demeanor. “why don’t you go ahead and meet up with the others? I’ll be there soon.”

Kaiba doesn’t even look at Jounouchi’s retreating back, his eyes still focused on Other Yuugi.

“Listen to yourself,” he hisses.

“What do you mean?” Other Yuugi looks at him, head slightly tilted, as if he really doesn’t know what Kaiba is referring to. He sees the smirk on his face, the outer sign of his confidence. He wants to wipe off that smirk, but for now he can only vent his anger and annoyance.

“You drive me crazy.”

“I do no such thing,” Other Yuugi protests, even making a hand gesture, dismissing the comment. “If this is about the tournament, Kaiba, you saw me…”

Winning,” he clips every word, “yes, you won. As you have won everything you participated it. I know what you are. I don’t know how to stop you yet, but one day, Yuugi, you’ll lose your title and I’ll be the victorious one.”

If calling him directly with his ‘aibou’s’ name is distracting him, Other Yuugi doesn’t show it. He narrows his eyes just a little, and the smirk wavers, if only for a second. Not having a name must bother him, no matter how much he pretends to take pride into sharing Yuugi’s name.

“As soon as you accept your past and the evident connection between us, you would not feel so bad about it,” he says. “You have seen it yourself during our duel, Battle City…”

“Spare me your mumbo-jumbo about our past,” Kaiba shoots back

“It is not my fault that you have difficulties dealing with…”

“Well, cry me a river,” Kaiba interrupts brusquely. Other Yuugi falls silent with a quizzical look on his face, probably pondering the meaning of the expression, and then his lips part to give another comment… not for long.

Kaiba has closed the distance between them while talking, and he presses his lips on his. It serves the other to shut up, to drown out his voice and his jabbering about pasts and Pharaohs. Oh, it shuts him up all right, even better than Kaiba thought it would be. Something tugs at his shirt, he can feel the fabric tighten - it’s Other Yuugi, the Pharaoh, who has tigthened his fists in the expensive garment. Not to pull him closer, but in an effort to push him away.

It’s of no use, of course. He’s taller and stronger, and he wants him. He can’t win, but he can’t afford to lose either. It’s not about the cards or the duels anymore, it has become physical - and exactly why, is something Kaiba can’t tell. Not at the moment. He doesn’t know, he doesn’t want to know. Something strange is going on; is it indeed about their ‘evident connection’, or has he allowed too much talk about friendship and love to go to his head, to infiltrate his distant heart?

The fists in his shirt unclench and then tightens again, and he pulls away from the other.

“Kaiba, get your hands off of me.”

Unbelievable, Other Yuugi still sounds composed, yet indignant and commanding at the same time. Kaiba doesn’t take orders from him. His ice-blue eyes locks with the other’s red ones, meeting his gaze head-on, not about to step back.

“Hush,” he tells him as he pulls out his shirt from his pants, almost ripping the fabric. Other Yuugi depends on Yuugi for his clothes, and as always the boy has chosen to wear his school uniform - cheap, mass fabricated garments, easy to rip and tear, easy to remove. This eludes a fairly high-pitched protest, and this time he really hits him; laughable as the Other Yuugi doesn’t posess much physical strength. He tries to move away from Kaiba, who grabs the firm chain of the Puzzle and yanks at it. A choke, another gasp, and the expression on Other Yuugi’s face changes - a little bit of fear and finally, the first sign of insecurity, not knowing or not realising well enough Kaiba’s intentions - and he becomes more frantic, his hands all over Kaiba, pushing at him.

“Get away from me,” Other Yuugi hisses. “What has gotten into you, Kaiba? If this has something to do with the tournament…”

“Shut up about the tournament,” he yanks at the chain again. “This isn’t about losing or winning.” He’s lying of course, it has everything to do with winning or losing. He’s lost too many times, and it’s not only about the tournament. He’s lost more than just a card game, he’s fighting to not lose himself completely to the other. He doesn’t want to be mesmerized by him. He doesn’t want to be hypnotized by his eyes, doesn’t want to experience these feelings of need, of urge, to kiss him and to overpower him, to show him that he’s more than just Kaiba Seto….what is he doing? He doesn’t owe Other Yuugi anything!

Kaiba removes the Puzzle from him, pulling the Item over his head before the other can react, and dumps it unceremoniously on the floor. His speed catches the Other Yuugi off guard, and as soon as he moves to retrieve the Item, Kaiba dives on top of him, pressing him to the floor.

They roll on top of each other, over the floor, Kaiba hitting a coat rack somewhere, but he doesn’t care - this time he’s not going to lose. He’s going to get what he wants, like he always does. He rolls on top of Other Yuugi, forcing him to lie still, and his hands and fingers are everywhere, searching for places to touch him, places to hurt him, places to show him who’s the winner now. His rational mind is still analyzing what he’s doing, and mostly, what he’s doing wrong - he never shows this much vulnerability, this much anger, this much emotion…if this was a business deal, he would never be able to negotiate his way out of this.

Just like Other Yuugi can’t negotiate, his breathing fast and his lips moving, forming words, but Kaiba can’t hear him. His own shirt gets ripped, he can hear the fabric tear, and he doesn’t care. He tugs at Other Yuugi’s belt and he’s not talking, he’s grunting commands, and who is he commanding - Other Yuugi, or himself? Skin exposed, the heat of the moment, he hears noises and sounds, and he takes it in, revels in it, inhales it, lives off of it. He wants it, he wants it so bad and so hard and good and he doesn’t know if he’s the one screaming and yelling in utmost excitement and pleasure, as belt buckles are opened, hands are groping, and he takes what belongs to him.

Is Other Yuugi actually panting, or yelling or screaming? He can’t hear him. His lips are parted, his cheeks are flushed, and his crimson red eyes are dark. Kaiba can only see it because Other Yuugi has tilted his head, and his hands are around the Sennen Puzzle, cradling it to his chest. It has to hurt, the sharp corners of the Item pressing against his skin with Kaiba’s weight on top of him, but neither one of them seems to care. Only the moment of excitement, of pure raw pleasure is important and he revels in the heat, in the lust and the desire, like a caged animal finally breaking free.

Maybe physically overpowering him is a hollow, empty victory. It doesn’t give
him any title, or any respect, perhaps. Mutou Yuugi is a small kid, and his Other only looks taller because he stands up straight like a man, without the whole slouched shoulders attitude. Kaiba doesn’t care anymore, not even if it really doesn’t feel like a victory, he just wants to have him, to take him, to give him what he wants and what he wants…flesh against flesh, skin against skin. It’s hot and cold at the same time, and a wardrobe is hardly a romantic place, let alone private. The whole world could’ve overheard them, especially Other Yuugi who’s surprisingly loud when he cries out again. Heat, cold, dark, light, day, night, everything is happening at the same time and yet Kaiba feels like he’s outside of time. Just this moment, this one little moment when he feels victory in more ways than one, it seems… unimportant and futile, yet he can’t deny that it is important. He grabs his hair, fingers raking through multicolored strands and he tugs at them, eliciting anoher cry.

He knows pleasure and he knows pain, and the other knows it too. When it’s over, he leans with his full weight on Other Yuugi, regardless of the heavy golden Item he’s hunched over, and his hand is still in his hair. Their breathing is loud and ragged, yet the only sounds in the wardrobe. His body strangely hurts, as if collapsing after his release. His mind starts taking over again, pointing out what kind of PR it would be when he’s to be found on the floor of a wardrobe, with a very distinctive duelist under him, in a semi-nude state. Kaiba doesn’t feel shame or remorse; he knows that both has enjoyed it. His usual smirk doesn’t return, though, and he doesn’t know why. It was as good as it could ever be, but he hadn’t expected that onslaught of emotions. He doesn’t like emotions.

After another minute, Kaiba gets up and starts dressing himself again.

“Get up,” he tells Other Yuugi and expects him to obey. He does, sort of - no one wants to lie like that on a cold floor in a wardrobe. Kaiba doesn’t look at him as the other rearranges his clothes again, and finally, the rattling of the chain unmistakable, puts the Item back where its belongs. The other rubs over his chest, exactly where he held the Item before; he looks up at Kaiba, his face just as stern as before. In some way, Kaiba is expecting a scolding, a lecture about what has just happened. He’s prepared for it. He has just the right amount of words to say, the right amount of scathing remarks to counter-attack everything Other Yuugi will say.

The other walks out on him.

He leaves the wardrobe, only to stand still in the door opening. Kaiba turns towards him. Has something changed about the other? Is his posture different, the look on his face, the glare of his eyes? For some reasons, he swallows. He’s Kaiba Seto, and a Kaiba is never nervous.

“I cry you a river,” he finally says.

“What?”

“I cry you your river,” Other Yuugi says, even if there’s no pity or sadness or real compassion on his face. “Because obviously, you cannot.”

He’s gone before Kaiba can use any of his remarks, any of the comments his quick mind has already prepared. With another few steps, he’s at the door, but Other Yuugi somehow has moved faster than he anticipated, as he already sees him going down the stairs outside, walking towards his group of friends. He can hear Jounouchi enthusiastically calling “What took you so long?” and Honda pats him on the back. Other Yuugi doesn’t look back. Not even once.

Kaiba grits his teeth. He knows why the victory feels so empty. The other has granted him this victory, even if he couldn’t match him physically; by yielding to him, Other Yuugi took any reason to fight out of his hands. It doesn’t matter that his body is vividly recalling the experience, and actually yearning for more…it doesn’t matter at all. He’ll have to wait for another chance, for another opportunity for victory.

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There isn’t a single thing that Kaiba Seto doesn’t like when it comes to Pharaoh Atemu. He refrains from calling it ‘like’ though, as Kaiba Seto doesn’t do ‘liking’. He doesn’t have time to like anyone else, and certainly not someone like Other Yuugi, who has finally found and reclaimed his name. Atemu. This last duel is the end of their ‘dark RPG adventure’, and there will be an end to everything that has brought them together. Kaiba doesn’t like it when he has to admit something either, and that is that his life has been tangled with the life of the twerp and his Other, more intensely than anything else. More intense than the revenge on his ‘father’. More intense than his own struggles.

He has faced his past, and now he only wants to face his future. His own future, not a pre-set, determined one. He knows the power and weakness of friendship, of human interaction, of his own body. It still brings a smirk to his face knowing that he had the very same Pharaoh under him. Has he ever told Yuugi? Apparently not, as Yuugi has never behaved himself differently towards Kaiba. Not that he cares.

The three God cards are out, and as usual, he’s impressed with their power. Somehow, the impression fades after a while; it’s not their power he’s after. It’s crazy, compared to a few months ago when he had still wielded Obelisk in the Battle City finals. What has changed him so much that he’s not searching after implausible power or unbelievable solutions anymore? Has he calmed down? Has he lost himself after all? No, he has still won. He’s still Kaiba Seto, and he’s amazed when the twerp Yuugi wins, defeating not only all three of the Gods, but also the Pharaoh’s most loyal servant, the Dark Magician.

He doesn’t cry. He doesn’t say goodbye. He just watches, together with Mokuba. His victory is leaving him. His body once belonged to him, yielding it to him when the urge and need was more important than his own journey. A victory ruling from over the grave, as the souls of the dead don’t belong in the world of the living. It’s not Yuugi who surrendered to him. It’s Other Yuugi, the Pharaoh, and he walks out on him again.

Finally Kaiba realizes there’s a little bit of hate left in him. Because there’s nothing that Kaiba Seto hates more than seeing him leave.

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