"Sir?"
It hurts. Oh God, it hurts.
"Sir, calm down, sir."
My right arm... my leg... I can't feel my leg! What's going on here? Are we ambushed? Can't hear... what happened?
"The ambulance is on its way, sir, please, calm down..."
"Don't you fucking touch me!" I hit something or someone. I don't care. "Fucking OZ!"
Wailing sirens. God, they're coming for me! I grit my teeth. They haven't met the God of Death face to face yet. I'm ready for them. I'm ready for those bastards.
What's that light, and why is it shining in my face? It hurts. Is this some kind of interrogation method? They're touching me.
"Don't fucking touch me!"
Someone grabs my left arm. "Easy sir, we don't want you hurting yourself."
"What?" Don't tell me OZ cares about prisoners? I start to laugh, at least I intend to, but I almost choke.
"Easy, easy sir. You're going to be all right."
Idiot! I snarl. "You won't... get... me!" My eyes grow wide. My arm! They did something... to my arm! I want to scream, but my voice falters. This can't be happening. My last thought is that I have to warn the others. Somehow. Some way. I've botched this mission... I won't let them get into any danger.
It's my fault. It's my entire fault.
"Well, let's see who we've got here."
Hmmm?
"He didn't have any identification on him, doctor. We don't know who he is."
What?
One male voice, one female voice. Bright lights. Lysol. Hospital. Fuck! I cautiously try to feel if I'm restrained. I can move my wrists. They haven't strapped me to the bed. Big mistake, fuckers.
"... accident... confused... war... "
I can't hear them very well. At least there are only two of them. I try to lift my right arm and I have to bite back a jolt of pain.
"Sir?"
Crap, they noticed. I should've known better- I never could pull off that 'pretend-you're-unconscious-while-in-enemies-hands'- trick as well as Heero. Oh God, Heero.
"Sir?" She sounds nice. She's only a blur of white and blue. I can't see her face.
"Sir? You've been in a car accident. Is there anyone we can warn or call for you?"
Heero. I open my mouth. No, you stupid fuck! Do you want to give them all their names on a silver platter? This can't be right. War ended, didn't it? I feel her looking at me.
"He... Heero..." He wouldn't come. "Yuy..." Why should he come? I ran out on him. Ah, the infamous "I may run and hide, but I never tell a lie" routine. Shouldn't I be sick and tired of that one already?
My lungs are burning and I chortle. Oh, but did I run. I ran away from a life that he wanted to share with me. A life in a two-story, yellow brick house with a porch and a back garden and a dog if I wanted to.
I couldn't.
I just couldn't.
I let you down, Heero. I didn't want to tell you a lie, so I ran. Ran away from your fucking perfect composure, your saving-the-day-and-the-Earth-all-time-war-hero attitude. I can never be that great as you, Heero. I can never be your equal. You were so far away from me and yet so close... so close that I could touch you, but you were hollow and empty and I just couldn't... reach you.
No, Heero would never come.
"Sir? Anyone else?"
Why are you talking to me? Trying to get on my good side, to be friends? I know all of your methods, OZ.
"I'm not talking!"
They're touching me again. My clothes... I hear the cutting of scissors. Are there still only two people in this room? I can move, but I feel tired and I hurt. Fucking wimp! Boys don't cry, remember? Now I have to laugh again. If this really is a time to drag out all the fucking cliches, then bring it on. I can take it.
Water... I taste water. Precious water. I don't care if I slurp.
"Sir..."
See? They're getting impatient. No way I'm going to tell them.
Another male voice. Ohh, this one is burly. My vision darkens just because of the posture of this guy. Yes, he grabs my arm. It's time for the big guns!
"Fuck you, OZ!"
"Sir, you're confused. You're in a hospital, you've been in an accident. Please tell me if there's someone we can call for you."
"Trowa..." Nononononono! "Barton..."
He wouldn't come either. I ran away from him too. Funny how I thought he was so silent, how he wore masks to not show his real emotions. I accused him of it, too. Screamed at him that I never could reach him if he kept wearing those damn fucking masks. Ah, you and your nice sister, feeling comfortable and safe and sound in your traveling circus. You dangle way above the ground on a cord and perform triple somersault to amaze the public and fool your friends, don't you? So I ran away from you too, because I couldn't read behind your mask and I was afraid of what I would be finding there. No, Trowa wouldn't come.
Did I just scream? I've been in worse pain than this. Still it hurts like hell. What car accident? Get those lights out of my face!
"What do you think?"
"He looks familiar... I know I've seen him somewhere before."
Oh please come on! Our faces are known to every OZ soldier! What do you want from me? I won't tell you!
"Sir..."
"Stop it! Let me go!" Very mature, idiot. I fling my right arm again, aim for the burly doctor, but I can only scream. Broken, it finally dawns me. I've been flinging around my bloody broken right arm. Fuck!
The nurse – is she a nurse? Maybe she works for OZ too? – tries again and she talks. really. slowly.
"Sir, it's all right. Everything's okay. You're in the hospital. What do you remember? Do you remember something from the accident? Didn't you see the car coming?"
Car? What car?
"I won't tell you! Get lost!" I'm not fifteen anymore, don't speak to me like I'm... still a little kid. I'm not! I'm not fifteen... I'm twenty four? Twenty five? Has it been that long?
"... someone we can call for you?"
What is it with you people? Aren't you interested in the blueprints of our Gundams, our next mission details or our contacts? Gundams?
"Quatre..." hereyougoagainyoustupidlittleidiot "Raberba..." Fine! Why don't you give them everything, then? "Winner..."
He wouldn't come. It took me a while, but I ran away from him too. Even he has his limits, our little blue eyed angel with an ageless face and perfect manners. Born with a silver spoon in his mouth, and noble ideas in his mind about fighting. He did come up with the best strategies, that so much is true, but fighting? He gave in, that was all. Gave in to me and every whim I could think of and complaining about not being able to help me. I ran away from him with tears in his eyes, apologizing and wishing me to come back, but I didn't want to come back in a golden cage and haunt myself with everything I could never be able to look at without feeling... ungrateful.
No, Quatre wouldn't come.
"You can't be serious."
Is the truth serum working yet? I want to open my eyes, but I can't. It feels like there's a lead weight on them. Trust OZ to come up with the newest serums. Well, I'm ready for it. I won't talk.
"It is possible..."
Shutupshutupshutup! Aren't you supposed to be torturing me anyway? Threatening? Bargaining? Prying for information about the others? I already gave the names... oh God, I already gave them their names. They're in danger! I must escape!
"I'll go check."
The nurse is leaving. How many people are there in the room now? The burly doctor, the other doctor... and someone who is busy with my leg. What the hell are they doing with my leg?
I cough. More water. OZ has turned a new leaf, then. Maybe they want to pamper their prisoners first before they yank out any vital organ.
Crap! It hurts.
"Stop touching me!"
"I'm sorry, sir, but that's necessary. I have to check up on you, you have a severe concussion."
His voice hurts, his words tumble through my ears and I can't make heads or tails out of them.
"What do you want from me? What do you want to know?"
"What do you remember?" He asks. "What were you doing in the middle of that crossroad to begin with? Bystanders said that you appeared out of nothing. The driver didn't see you until it was too late."
Ha ha! Have you never used the shadows? Used them to hide, to feel safe? You haven't met the God of Death yet and you're already wondering how he works? I'm not going to tell you, ha ha!
"Leave me alone!"
An audible sigh. "I'm going to ask you for the last time, sir, is there anyone we can call for you? Otherwise we contact the police to find out who you are. Do you have any family?"
"Chang..." Police? That's the biggest joke I've ever heard! "Wufei..."
Well, isn't that peachy. Chang Wufei wouldn't come, even if he was gagged and bound and drugged and hit on the head. Yes, I ran away from him too. Predictable, I know. The proud Dragon denied me my honor, while he was tangled up in his own spun web of justice and integrity. He walked into walls even thicker than mine, clawing at the edge of his beliefs and principles and the guilt of his home being destroyed. I had never lived up to his expectations, and I never would.
No, Wufei wouldn't come.
"Finally..."
My eyes are too heavy. I'm falling asleep, I can't fight it any longer. It really must be a new kind of serum... they'd probably wake me in a few hours for a new session. It's getting dark. Darkness encloses me. I'm not afraid of it. It feels comfortable somehow. It feels better than the walls I've been hitting, the walls I've been trying to break down. Better than the shells, the masks, the curtains, the other faces I've been trying to break and destroy to see the real person behind them. I'm tired. My body hurts. I've let them down. I just couldn't fight it any longer. Confessions? Not on my deathbed. I'm just screaming, inside and outside. Screaming of our major sins.
"Thank you so much for coming, sir."
It's the nurse again. I'm getting better at this. She doesn't expect me to be awake. It hasn't been that long.
"It was so difficult... I'm glad you were able..."
Mumbling in the distance. A male voice. The doctor?
Silence. I hear the footsteps of the nurse fading away. There's someone in the room. Must be the guy who's going to torture me. I wonder what he's got in store for me.
"I know you're awake."
What the holy fuck! My eyes grow as big as saucers.
"Heero?"
He stands at the end of my bed, hands casually on the railing. His face has softened, his hair has lost its unruly touch, and his eyes... look older than they ever were.
"What happened, Duo?"
"You tell me," I croak. I can't move my right arm, now I notice the thick cast. I notice the cast on my leg too. "What the hell..."
He approaches me, hands behind his back now, nice dark blue jacket swinging open.
"I didn't tell them anything, Heero," I blurt out. "Your names... only your names. They don't know our hideout. They don't know..."
"I know," he answers, voice strangely thick. "You never lie, Duo. I know."
He comes to sit on the bed.
"What happened?" He asked again.
"Ambush," I answer. "I was ambushed."
He reached out with his hand and brushes aside a few bangs on my brow. His fingers trail my face, my ear, down to my braid.
"I should've known you never lied," he says.
"What is it?" I ask.
"It's been so long."
"I know."
He looks to the side, to the nightstand and picks something up.
"Hey, my watch," I croak.
"It stands still," he says, in a whispering tone. "Your watch stopped working on 30 December 196."
"I know,” I answer. "Must've been because of all the electricity flying around."
"It's not 196 anymore, you know that, don't you?"
"Of course I do," I say, rather annoyed. "What are you doing here anyway? I thought you wouldn't come..."
"When they contacted me, I came as fast as I could," he says and I gasp.
"OZ found you just like that?"
He smiles. Raw, pure, genuine. He's the Heero I longed to see, the Heero I saw, buried under walls as heavy as his emotions he wanted to act upon. The emotions he denied, and stored in those huge walls I longed to tear down.
"I found you,” he simply says. "And I'm never going to leave you again."
"What?"
"It won't take me another eight years," he answers. "It won't!"
"We're not safe here," I whisper, and suddenly he embraces me, careful with my arm. "We have to get out of here."
"You have to regain some strength first," he admonishes me. "It was quite an accident, Duo. You have to tell me everything... what happened... what's going on..."
Is OZ still out there? He releases me from his hug, and observes me carefully. He takes both my hands and rubs over my fingers. Such beautiful fingers, he used to say.
"Such beautiful fingers," he says.
The crack that was there widens and deepens and I start to cry. The walls I've seen with my friends come tumbling down with a force to take my own walls down. I didn't even know I had them. I run and hide, but I never tell a lie. I run from the ones I called my friends, I hide from the ones I love, but I believed in the lies I imposed on myself.
I hardly realize Heero is rocking me, hands rubbing in circles over my back or running through my hair, and he doesn't care that his nice blue jacket is getting wet.
"I'll never let you go," he says, "it won't take me another eight years to see, Duo Maxwell."